and I’ve just gotten my second cup of coffee.  I spent my morning in a book.  I finished it and enjoyed every minute of it.  But, by the end of it, I was  more of stuck on the fact that the author moved to New York City when she was 24 and worked in publishing.

I’m dwelling on the job thing a lot, and the fact that my hopes were placed in this area.  Before all of this however, I used to want to move to New York City.  This was before I even had figured out what degree I would get and all of that.  I just loved the city and found it inspiring and energizing when I visited.  I figured at some point or another I would certainly live there for at least a year.

When I got into English and figured out I wanted to be an editor and possibly write, what better place to want to live.  Publishing houses, among many other things, are there.  Slowly my want to go there dwindled.  It had nothing to do with anyone else (although now I would never want to live that far away from my parents) and everything to do with me.

I began to realize, while in college, that I truly love nature.  Even just the simple things like actually having a backyard and an open field.  Being out in the country on a dirt road surrounded by rolling hills or woods.  Seeing the mountains around sunset.  Sitting at the river.  I honestly find nature to be an inspiration or at the least to give me a renewed hope in everything.  There’s some kind of peace to be found there.

While I love this area, I sometimes do miss the area where I grew up.  I wouldn’t be happy still living there, but I would like to live around their at some point in the future.  Here, it’s crowded.  People are terribly impatient and jets fly over quite often (which I’ve gotten fairly used to).  Overall, it’s just different but in mostly good ways.

All of this really leaves me wondering how I still am a waitress.  How long is it going to take me to find a job.  Will I be happier than?  Will I feel inspired?  Is it all in my head when everything seems so mundane, and I can’t even write anything.  I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever find a job, and then I wonder what it would be like if whatever I find doesn’t take away this monotonous feeling.

Without school and the discovery of new and wonderful things, I’ve come to an almost standstill.  I could easily go get a book about something and find new material, but it isn’t like listening to and talking with a professor.  Without all of that I need to figure out how to be happy and feel inspired.

I’m sometimes almost certain a job won’t take care of the way I feel now.  I long to create something that will actually go somewhere.