You know what??

I want to fucking write on here again… and I mean regularly.  I kept thinking recently that too much has changed.  I mean this blog started when I was a sophomore in college.  I had a recent heartbreak I wrote about (which turned into writing about the new guys I dated and other breakups and hook-ups).  I wrote about my roommates and the social aspects of my life.  And now what??

My life seems to consist of job searching, eating, playing video games, and spending as much of my time as I can with N.  I’m in a constant struggle to maintain the one small friendship that I’ve created since moving here, but I’m finding out I really am an introvert.  I mean it takes energy to go out with a new person or even just to hangout at their apartment and smoke hookah.  I really never thought this in my college years, but the people I hungout with… were different.  Or perhaps I was different–maybe I didn’t feel like I needed to seem put together.  I could wander around like a walking-disaster and be like, so?? I’m a college student! get over it.  With E and T I’m so ridiculously comfortable that I don’t even care what I’m wearing or doing.  I mean we could probably (and actually have) sat in a room with nothing really interesting to talk about, and we end up joking around and laughing about absolutely nothing.

Anyway, finished with my tangent.  The point is that there isn’t a lot.  I mean I’m not sleeping around.  There isn’t going to be some new guy in my life who gives me good writing material when I self-destruct and ruin our relationship (a certain break-up always jumps to my mind first… I mean obviously they weren’t all like that).  I’m not out drinking a bunch with a ton of different people.  I’m not getting drunk in dorms and fighting with douchebags, and so on.  All of it has become stuff of the past.  Now I try to pretend I’m a responsible adult.  I need to save money, as we still need bedroom furniture and want to eventually buy a house.  I need to find a real job in my field because… I want to.  That’s why I went to college.  I don’t get looped because of the saving money par,t and the fact that I don’t really have people to get looped with.  I no longer have nights dedicated to getting shit-faced and having random, pointless fun.

But the point of all of this is that I still do have thoughts, and I want to fucking write again.  While my entire blog consists of what I’ve mentioned above, there isn’t any reason why it can’t change like I have.  No one except for me has expectations of what my blog is/what I write about.  So… I think I’ll write again.

"I find your flawed self to be interesting…"

Things have been running pretty smoothly.  Whenever things begin to get dark I now turn the friend that pulled me out of my silliness that one evening, as my best friend is generally busy with work and life.  I also find it hard to tell people about the dumb stuff I think as in the less people I tell it to the better (a reason I don’t talk to roomies about it).

I am not really sure where I am right now.  For once, am I content with life?  The roller coaster of emotions seems to be leveling out.  Or am I just really good at distracting myself?  If so, people you aren’t romantically involved with can be wonderful distractions after all.