You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘grrr…how silly’ category.
It’s been a while.
On the job search front, I may’ve found something. I’m currently waiting to hear back about a job I applied to through a staffing agency. Either way the staffing agency has hired me. So regardless there is hope.
I’m utterly bummed out, as I work a bunch this weekend, while N is actually off. I managed to get rid of one shift but work Saturday and Sunday night. The Saturday shift is the worst because it is from 5 to 11 or later. I wasn’t aware of this whole “Valentine’s Day Weekend” thing. I seriously never thought about it or cared until I got to work and saw my schedule.
N and I had a bad fight last Saturday. It had a lot to do with all the stress of the previous week. To say the least, it was a doozy, so we were both really looking forward to this weekend. The one weekend he is off for the next month. On Sunday, before I went in and saw the schedule, I thought about going up to see my parents this weekend. I mean if I get a full-time job it is far less feasible that we’ll make it there, and my parents still hardly know N. I called N and talked to him (he had watch), and he thought it sounded good. I then called my mom and sister and told them we would probably be up this weekend. Then I began to really look forward to being “home” (I know I can’t really call it that anymore, but I feel like my parents’ house will always be “home” to me). And then I was the schedule and had the whole Valentine’s Day Weekend spiel given to me.
It pretty much ruined my night and the next day. I was so irritated. I guess I never thought much about Valentine’s Day or knew that there was a weekend dedicated to it. In the past I’ve generally been single or freshly out of a relationship or at the rough end of one. Hell, the first time I had a real boyfriend and was all in love, that’s when he cheated on me. Either way I never really gave two fucks about Valentine’s Day. Last year was the first time that it even mattered slightly, and I wrote N a heart-felt card and sent two origami hearts I made. He sent me more than a dozen of the most glorious roses I had ever laid eyes on.
All of this being said, we are going out to dinner tomorrow night for (surprise! surprise!) Valentine’s Day. You can scoff at and ponder my hypocrisy all you want. But even though N is calling it our date for Valentine’s Day, I’m fairly certain we would’ve gone out on a date this weekend either way. We haven’t done that in several weeks.
My sleep was ruined last night. I was awake often for no reason at all (thankfully my neighbors weren’t having a sex-fest like the previous night, which honestly grossed me out). What kept coming to my mind was that I work doubles today and that some asshole hit my car and left–without leaving a note or anything.
Yesterday afternoon was great. I left work realizing that I seriously like the coworkers at this job more than I’ve ever liked any other set of coworkers. I had grocery shopping plans and figured I’d stop at the bank and get rid of several small pay checks I had. I stood in line for 20 minutes to deposit 29 measly dollars. When I get back out to my car it has a large dent in the side. No note, nothing. No one came up to me either.
I feel like anyone would be deeply pissed about a situation like this. But pair this with the fact that just a few weeks ago we dumped several hundred dollars into fixing this car after an incident (which I was at fault in), and it was enough to make me so angry that I was near tears (yes, I’m overly emotional… I guess…). I’ve had this car for only a few months. It’s brand fucking new. For all of my years of driving, I was cruising around in an ancient Volvo tank (god, I really miss that car sometimes) and didn’t have shit happen. I get a new, perfect car and suddenly I have a target on my back, or my car does. What is this???
Some kind of twisted karma? Is some greater being laughing at my exasperation? I highly doubt it but what coincidence. I wonder if that person even thought about leaving a note. Or thought about the fact that that car is probably paid for with someones hard-earned money. Or that they were ruining someones day (which, for me, turned into ruining a night of peaceful sleep as well). Never be the person who does this to someone.
The police officer I talked to said it was highly unlikely they would find out who did it. Sometimes people (witnesses) will call in or leave a note with a business where they saw something like this happen, but probably no one saw anything (his thoughts… I kind of think perhaps someone saw and couldn’t give two fucks). All I got from the whole conversation was amazement that a police officer is more optimistic than I am.
I want to fucking write on here again… and I mean regularly. I kept thinking recently that too much has changed. I mean this blog started when I was a sophomore in college. I had a recent heartbreak I wrote about (which turned into writing about the new guys I dated and other breakups and hook-ups). I wrote about my roommates and the social aspects of my life. And now what??
My life seems to consist of job searching, eating, playing video games, and spending as much of my time as I can with N. I’m in a constant struggle to maintain the one small friendship that I’ve created since moving here, but I’m finding out I really am an introvert. I mean it takes energy to go out with a new person or even just to hangout at their apartment and smoke hookah. I really never thought this in my college years, but the people I hungout with… were different. Or perhaps I was different–maybe I didn’t feel like I needed to seem put together. I could wander around like a walking-disaster and be like, so?? I’m a college student! get over it. With E and T I’m so ridiculously comfortable that I don’t even care what I’m wearing or doing. I mean we could probably (and actually have) sat in a room with nothing really interesting to talk about, and we end up joking around and laughing about absolutely nothing.
Anyway, finished with my tangent. The point is that there isn’t a lot. I mean I’m not sleeping around. There isn’t going to be some new guy in my life who gives me good writing material when I self-destruct and ruin our relationship (a certain break-up always jumps to my mind first… I mean obviously they weren’t all like that). I’m not out drinking a bunch with a ton of different people. I’m not getting drunk in dorms and fighting with douchebags, and so on. All of it has become stuff of the past. Now I try to pretend I’m a responsible adult. I need to save money, as we still need bedroom furniture and want to eventually buy a house. I need to find a real job in my field because… I want to. That’s why I went to college. I don’t get looped because of the saving money par,t and the fact that I don’t really have people to get looped with. I no longer have nights dedicated to getting shit-faced and having random, pointless fun.
But the point of all of this is that I still do have thoughts, and I want to fucking write again. While my entire blog consists of what I’ve mentioned above, there isn’t any reason why it can’t change like I have. No one except for me has expectations of what my blog is/what I write about. So… I think I’ll write again.
On my first day of classes after break I ended up with a parking ticket. I also ended up sitting in the ER for a little less than 2 hours. My friend sprained her ankle badly. Needless to say my whole day got thrown off. Last night at 2am I realized that I hadn’t done my next large assignemnt, in my editing class, that was due at 11am.
I nearly panicked, but couldn’t really do anything since driving drunk wasn’t an option (we were celebrating a friend’s birthday). Finally when I got home a little after 3am sleep was jumbled and only 4 hours of it happened. Today I’ve been sick (stomach illness). I finished the assignment in time and upon handing it in realized there are two large mistakes in it. I’ve slept a bit and ate some and am now attempting to go out shopping and to dinner for another friend’s birthday (evidently everyone has sex in June. seriously there are always at least 3 people on the birthday lineup on fbook, atleast every other day).
I’m still enraged about the parking ticket. I’d marked out my permit and had it sitting on the seat, in view through the windshield, but forgot to hang it up on the rearview mirror. What the f***! I’m appealing the ticket but I’m pretty certain they aren’t going to drop it. Parking services loves their money.
Also very soon I must talk about my friends new unofficial girlfriend. The word bitch doesn’t suffice for this snobby girl. That was another unpleasant part of yesterday.
Life is weird. My grades are soaring for once and I’m not sure how. Two electives I’m doing great in, and I never thought I could do so well in one of my in-major classes this semester. I was actually so freaked out about taking it, certain I would do horribly. Now here I am, one of the few in the class who has all A’s on the three major assignments so far.
I also finally got a distraction from my shattered heart, but it came in the form of a “conduct referral” from my university. It really threw me.
Hey guys I’m smoking again! (i suck, i know)
The part that really got me was when I found out it was being mailed to my parents’ house. I was already semi-drunk when I realized I’d better call them. While they of course won’t open it, they are now wondering what exactly is going on. I hate worrying my parents so much. Plus it always seems like I am the problem child.
The referral is far too atrocious to let them see. Also they know me as the crazy/wild child, so I am assuming they might think that I’m lying about it. I am planning on getting out of it or getting revenge (okay i know that doesn’t work). The entire write-up is false besides when he states that I called him a “douchebag.” Anyway, by next week at this time it will all be over.
And months ago I said by December I would be fully off of the ciggies, so I technically haven’t failed yet (and yeah the date falls with the new smoking laws).
On the other side I had an incredibly good weekend and met a really nice guy. He added me on facebook and messaged me a few days later. He’s one of the most hilarious people I know and I’m certain if he hadn’t come, with me, C, E, and her latest guy she wanted (jerk of course and she ended up in tears), to this party on Saturday night I wouldn’t have had much fun. So there still are some decent, non-jerks out there.
So the majority of us have all had a morning or few when you wake up and roll over and there is someone in your bed. You’re hungover and you didn’t even remember they were there. Possibly you can’t even remember their name, which makes it extremely awkward when they know yours.
Well, this morning I woke up, shakey and hungover, and rolled over and there was a switch up in the story line. Instead of a random guy in my bed there were five large, bright-orange road cones sitting on the floor across from my bed. A big difference considering the last thing (well person), besides a hangover, that I woke up to after a night out.
What the f***?! how did those get there? before I finished figuring this out I remember my friend was upstairs asleep on a mattress in the living room. I went upstairs to check on him and we began piecing our stories together.
All I could say was, wow I was such a douche! did i really run from the police?!? what happened to you guys? (before you start hurting form laughter it wasn’t with or about the road cones)
Yes this is the point when I see I haven’t made any changes or progress in my drinking habits. Last night my worst characteristics shined. I was completely impetuous, extremely headstrong, and excessively hot-tempered (all three qaulities are exacerbated by alcohol of course). Mix these characteristics with double-digit shots of vodka and a couple of beers and the fact that I’m a 5’7″ 140 pound girl and you start to get the picture. And it’s far from good and touches on dangerous.
