“no, no, no! you are not drinking out of the bottle. let me get you a cup.”

Last night was… interesting.  I managed to drink half of one of those massive bottles of wine in less than an hour (or forty-five minutes… not sure).   I was with friends… so no alcoholism… anyway, I didn’t even realize how much I was downing.  My friend cut me off and switched me to water.  He also took my keys when I said I wanted to drive home and made me some chicken bake thing to eat.

Up to the same old classy shit.  I almost fell down the steps of his deck/porch thing and then threw up on his neighbors bush near the deck steps.  I think my liver might be dying on me.  I also almost took out some furniture/random stuff in his house as I became very off-balance.  It was very strange, and I didn’t even realize how much I had drank till he pointed it out.

I no longer gave a shit about anything at all.  Not my relationship, not school, and not what anyone thinks.  I texted my friends incessantly and got some guidance from my friend out in Texas.  It was really good to talk to her.  I have another blog with a bunch of readers who are military significant others and they’re all rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns!  And fuck that!!! It definitely isn’t, and she was very real about it.  Thank god.

Anyways, this post is all over the place, so I think I should probably stop writing.  Not sure what I’m going to do tonight but the other half of that wine is sitting at my friend’s house waiting for me.  I wonder if the puke bothered his neighbor…

it’s been way too long

One week of my last year down and things are going pretty fucking amazing.  Just had a wonderful weekend with my friends, although one night involved violently puking off a third story balcony.  Classy I know.

So happy to be back with everyone and so far not swamped by work, which is great.  My internship will probably start the week after this and soon we’ll be starting big, rapid-fire projects in my design class.  I’m hoping I can stay afloat.

Recently N really popped up.  He seems different and I’m not sure what exactly his intentions are in talking to me.  I feel bad for him since he seems nostalgic, but at the same time I’m not going to invest emotionally (wait… I just said I felt bad for him….) in a friendship until we actually have one.  I’ve heard so much about him wishing he was here with me that I’m extremely suspicious, but we shall see (I’m beginning to realize that some guys seem to think girls are dumb or very unaware).  Oh and I find it odd that he doesn’t have any idea of what is going on in my life nor is he interested in things beyond school life.

we’re still here but for how long?

To say one of the reasons I made the Dean’s List last semester was  because I wasn’t involved (seriously) with any guy is all too true.  Right now I’m barely staying above the tide of college and suddenly it’s Sunday and I have two midterms this week, a paper due tomorrow, and a journal (which I didn’t keep up with for a month) and another paper due.

I’m not stressed yet, as I have faith in myself with school, but if I end up cuddling up with my guy tonight or being a big nerd with him (yes we do that quite often), I will be enraged with myself.  (Although those activities are allowed if I finish atleast the paper and some studying.)  I’m trying to not become too attached, and I will not date him (… Yes it’s Bd who I’ve known for a while now), but sometimes I think about him so much and am just dying to see him.  Obviously those feelings are one of the main reasons I’m here on a Sunday afternoon with sooooo much work to do and am at this very moment thinking about him and how much I miss my blog/writing.

The problem is that if Bd comes over we generally end up being awake till 3am or 5am.  I then sleep away my day until noon or later and awake to be a very groggy person that can’t successfully do school work.  While I tell myself the next night I will get more sleep it doens’t happen.  Last night my set bedtime of 2am came to be 3ish when I just lay my head down and fell asleep with his arm around me.  That’s not too bad but since I have to go pick up a friend from the airport at around 1.30 and the entire drive to and from the airport is a little over an hour, I don’t have all the time in the world (yes I was dumb enough to assume I would be up and getting some work done before picking her up).

Anyway I will get my work finished and enjoy my precious time with Bd as well.  Last Spring I made a lot of sacrafices, some of them werne’t the best decisions school-wise, but I’ve never regretted that wonderful semester.  So here I am again, beginning something very similar.  I just love spring semesters.

sloshed again… and again.

Until today, I couldn’t remember when the last day was that I woke up sober and not at all hungover.  It was an odd feeling this morning–no horrid alcohol/dry mouth taste and no headache.  Incredible.  Now on to the second week of this new semester and I’m really going to try and stay up with my blog by atleast posting twice a week if not more.