it can’t really just be the second night.

This is really hard. Maybe the way I’m feeling has something to do with it being night and the fact that it’s a night where I’m at home alone with not enough work (or just not the attention span to do it). I miss B. I miss having someone to talk to and be with at any time.

I feel kind of sick over it right now. I can’t really remember what this is like that well as the last time I broke from a serious relationship was… July or August 2009. I also don’t really have E to talk to about it, I’ve already pitifully talked far too much to my best friend T about it. The other friends I have, I just don’t want to go into this with (not an insult to them but possibly a conceit problem on my part).

While I think I know this is for the best, and regardless there is no turning back, I’m really having trouble right now.

a mind-blowing night…

I don’t even know what to say.  I heard from that guy, that likes me.  Randomly I got a cute text messge from him today.  I guess I am honestly interested in being friends with him.  I’m just not sure what exactly he wants, but he isn’t going to make or break any day of mine.

And then last night… amazing (although drunk on my part) sex with my friend/confidant.  All I can say is wow… we finally broke the sexual tension that we’ve had since we first met.

"I find your flawed self to be interesting…"

Things have been running pretty smoothly.  Whenever things begin to get dark I now turn the friend that pulled me out of my silliness that one evening, as my best friend is generally busy with work and life.  I also find it hard to tell people about the dumb stuff I think as in the less people I tell it to the better (a reason I don’t talk to roomies about it).

I am not really sure where I am right now.  For once, am I content with life?  The roller coaster of emotions seems to be leveling out.  Or am I just really good at distracting myself?  If so, people you aren’t romantically involved with can be wonderful distractions after all.

we were just… so wrong.

So I was going to take time from my blog and maybe just stop altogether.  Basically when I put all my self-centered babble together I can’t help but see how bipolar my feelings are.  One minute I’m ok the next minute I’m not  And I must admit, I am still kind of lamely struggling with the singleness I am in.  At the same time I know I need it.  Its been 8 months with a guy… so where am I now?…

I plan on staying single for quite a bit (no matter what) to figure it out and get back to that point where you realize that you don’t need someone else to make you who you are.  None of that stupid rebounding stuff this time.  I am more then aware of the fact that, that can happen  and I am not going to fall into that again.  No sex, no kissing, no nothing.  I am going to remain completely guy-less in all aspects… (no matter what!… knock on wood)