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N seemed pretty much as close to perfect as a guy can come, but somehow our whole relationships is thrown completely off balance. What started as a problem of me worrying when he was out with a friend, who is a girl, on the beach all evening has turned into a huge double standard. I’ve known him and I remember talking to him about the whole girl friend thing. I asked if we would stop talking if he ever dated someone (before any physical stuff or type of dating between us). His answer was a firm no. His words were something along the lines, “all my friends are girls so she would just have to get over it.”
So, maybe I can deal with him having girl friends but I’m really not sure about this girl he hungout with. They hungout in the beginning of the school year in 2008. She had a boyfriend, she and N somehow met at the mall where he worked in a store. They went out to bars and hungout I guess. Then this girl tried to commit suicide, but it wasn’t real. Purely for attention. She took pills when she was with a friend and N I think. That’s pure attention getting. That isn’t I don’t want to be here anymore. N had something to do with helping her get to a hospital I think. After that he didn’t hear from her for months until last week.
She called him with ex problems… She’s single and evidently needs N to lean on… needy girl. I know how this story goes so is there any point to write more? If you’re reading this, at this point you know what I mean I am sure. So she comes out of the blue and calls him and talks for an hour on the phone. I didn’t like the sound of it but then was like well she does live 5 hours away and he wouldn’t do anything. Then on Sunday he texts me and say “I’m going down to the beach tomorrow night.” I was like what the hell? “what do you mean? do you mean tonight?” His reply, “My friend is in town with her mom and sister and wants to hangout. She wanted to tonight but since it’s Father’s Day I told her I couldn’t.” I was like hmmm odd… Later I find that she is moving to the area where he lives to go to school in August. Sounds promising.
I asked questions to find out that it was the girl from the week before, with all her ex problems. He hadn’t seen or heard from her and now voila! here she is single and needing someone to fix her (my boyfriend…possibly ex now loves messed up people. I truly and honestly know this and I despite all my issues am not a messed up person. I don’t need him. I don’t need his help.) I of course was like okay… but it did bother me. Our little bad-mood-time/fight began and continued all Monday. When he told me he was meeting her in a little bit I was like well have fun (it was 6:30pm). He texted me last and I stopped. Finally it gets to 10:00 and he hasnt texted. He also told me he wasn’t staying out late because he has work. He usually goes to sleep at 11 for work. I texted him and asked if he was back. “Not yet hunny, but I’m coming in soon.” Me: “what are you two up to?” Him: “just hanging out” Me: “I meant like more of like where are you and stuff.” (was that bad to say?…) Him: “at the beach.”
I stopped left him alone. It gets to 11 his usual bedtime for work and remember he wasn’t staying out late. It’s been nearly 4 and half hours. I text him again: “are you home yet?” Him: “No but leaving soon.” Me: “Well I want some of your time to talk when you get home.” No reply and finally a while after 11 he calls me. The second I asked about their (what I’m tempted to call a date) evening and make a comment “sounds romantic. I wish I was there,” he blows up at me.
Now we’ve been dating almost two months and were only dating officially for two weeks (unofficially adds two more weeks) before it became long-distance. I haven’t seen him. We’ve had 3 arguments counting this one…but still him blowing up at me doesn’t feel right.
Now what this has turned into is a gimongous battle. I’ve been so mistreated but here I am. It’s hard to give up even when this little voice is telling me that I probably don’t want to be in this relationship especially when that girl will be there in August and he won’t be leaving till January possibly. Added in special is that despite what he had said all along when it truly comes to me hanging out with a guy friend I am not allowed to or he will dump me. Supposedly his reason is because the one guy I’m talking about got my number from my ex, but I did meet this guy and talk to him before (we have a ton in common). It may be slightly sketchy…I’m not sure what it sounds like to you dear reader but I truly think this girl sounds like nothing but needy and sketchy.
I don’t have guy friends (not ones I hangout with because I’m always in a relationship and it never seemed right), but I think I need some. I want to see how he handles it, but it seems that he can’t handle it. He can go out on the beach with some brokenhearted girl for 3-4 hours one evening, but I can’t go get coffee with a guy friend.
Right now I kind of feel like I shouldn’t let this drag on. Maybe I need to just end it and get out of it.
It’s like you bare everything to people just to realize how much they are hiding and holding back. I’m beginning to realize that the ‘hiding and holding back’ thing is actually the norm and also the safest way to be in relationships. So, unfortunately though I have yet to switch over to the norm and once again am stuck in an odd spot.
The biggest problem though is that my relationship is long-distance. And my boyfriend (more friend…thinking I should’ve kept it that way), N, seems to believe that he can pry into everything I am doing and its fine; but when it comes down to me questioning him about a night out with his man-whore (he said it himself) brother and crashing in a hotel room with his brothers “friends” things get rocky. Is this some new double standard in the relationship world? If so it sucks.
While, being nosy and untrusting can ruin a long-distance relationship a certain amount of asking and finding out is what holds it together and makes it grow (you have to be in each others lives). Basically, it is like walking on a balance beam that is a billion miles up. I’m thinking that the balance part being off is what makes a lot of these relationships fail and at this point I’m seeing just how complicated it is. Whoever said nothing is impossible obviously hadn’t taken long-distance relationships into consideration.
I for once am feeling balanced. I like this feeling of freedom that I had been missing for the past 8 months (not counting the recent 1 of heartbreak/confusion and this past one which was half recovery and half oh wow I forgot what this is like…its nice).
I’m finally getting the time that I should’ve had before ever getting into anything after the confusing 6 month relationship (I now will call that guy exex). But at the same time I know that if I hadn’t jumped into the most recent relationship I would never have been able to truly remove myself from the situation with the exex… it was very complicated and in a way still is. I have never before been in a relationship that long and I don’t think I have ever had the same kind of bond with anyone. It felt more like best friends then anything else. It was so pleasant in many ways.
Now I talk to him regularly, once or twice on the phone this month and almost daily on instant messenger. I refuse to see him in person though because I know it will just confuse me and I really don’t think it would be a healthy decision to date him again. Also, he is so open with the fact that he still cares about me and wants me back (yes, even after I hurt him so badly). When people tell me stuff like that I feel like I have no choice but to give them a chance. I did it in the past and it turned out being the worst decision ever, so I know I need to just wait. Plus if I don’t start protecting my heart better it may shatter to pieces.
