it’s been way too long

One week of my last year down and things are going pretty fucking amazing.  Just had a wonderful weekend with my friends, although one night involved violently puking off a third story balcony.  Classy I know.

So happy to be back with everyone and so far not swamped by work, which is great.  My internship will probably start the week after this and soon we’ll be starting big, rapid-fire projects in my design class.  I’m hoping I can stay afloat.

Recently N really popped up.  He seems different and I’m not sure what exactly his intentions are in talking to me.  I feel bad for him since he seems nostalgic, but at the same time I’m not going to invest emotionally (wait… I just said I felt bad for him….) in a friendship until we actually have one.  I’ve heard so much about him wishing he was here with me that I’m extremely suspicious, but we shall see (I’m beginning to realize that some guys seem to think girls are dumb or very unaware).  Oh and I find it odd that he doesn’t have any idea of what is going on in my life nor is he interested in things beyond school life.

that’s not exactly what i wanted.

Life is weird.  My grades are soaring for once and I’m not sure how.  Two electives I’m doing great in, and I never thought I could do so well in one of my in-major classes this semester.  I was actually so freaked out about taking it, certain I would do horribly.  Now here I am, one of the few in the class who has all A’s on the three major assignments so far.

I also finally got a distraction from my shattered heart, but it came in the form of a “conduct referral” from my university.  It really threw me.

Hey guys I’m smoking again!  (i suck, i know)

The part that really got me was when I found out it was being mailed to my parents’ house.  I was already semi-drunk when I realized I’d better call them.  While they of course won’t open it, they are now wondering what exactly is going on.  I hate worrying my parents so much.  Plus it always seems like I am the problem child.

The referral is far too atrocious to let them see.  Also they know me as the crazy/wild child, so I am assuming they might think that I’m lying about it.   I am planning on getting out of it or getting revenge (okay i know that doesn’t work).  The entire write-up is false besides when he states that I called him a “douchebag.”  Anyway, by next week at this time it will all be over.

And months ago I said by December I would be fully off of the ciggies, so I technically haven’t failed yet (and yeah the date falls with the new smoking laws).

On the other side I had an incredibly good weekend and met a really nice guy.  He added me on facebook and messaged me a few days later.  He’s one of the most hilarious people I know and I’m certain if he hadn’t come, with me, C, E, and her latest guy she wanted (jerk of course and she ended up in tears), to this party on Saturday night I wouldn’t have had much fun.  So there still are some decent, non-jerks out there.

The epitome of arrogant lives in my apartment…

So of all the dumb people in the world I may have the worst one living in my apartment.  My used-to-be-uber-smart-about-guys roomie is dating an asshole and when he got dishonorable discharge from the Navy he came to live with us.  On a stupidly drunken night my other roomie and I told her it would be fine (seriously a smart move to ask when drunk).

So, now he is here and we can’t stand him.  I probably dislike him more then my other roomie, as he has been rude to me and my boyfriend, as well, for no reason at all (particularly on my boyfriends part).  I don’t understand people like this.  Why be rude and not like someone when you hardly know them?…  Going out isn’t even that fun anymore because I’m always worried about what they are going to say or do next.

Possibly I’m letting them bother me too much, but this guy is an asshole.  Also, he is just living off of my roommate (he’s dating) anyway and she is too dumb to wake up and see that.  Besides this I’ve heard them twice now when he’s freaked out and been absolutely nasty to her (I mean horrid names and no respect whatsoever) and she is just like settle down and leaves the room.  Okay.  Good way to handle a fight/someone psychotic, but don’t date someone who calls you a cunt.  Can’t she wake up and see what an ass-hole-ish bum he is??

how well do you ever really know someone?…

I love when things fall together for other people (although I never notice and/or appreciate when it happens for me ).  It’s all rather confusing.  I am excited for one of my roomies (E, so sister as well) now because a guy that she dated is coming over to hangout.  It is rather late and “booty-call” may come to your mind, but honestly this guy is extremely sweet.  I liked him from the time I met him.  He is just a genuinely nice guy (and somehow I’m pretty good at judging guys I’m not with).  I know she’s been missing him and since he isn’t a sleazey jerk I can’t help but feel that them hanging out is nothing but a good thing.

It’s funny because earlier I was talking to the exex on instant messenger and excitedly (although emotion can’t be expressed well on there) told him about the return of this guy (because we were all good friends this past summer) and the first question the exex had was:  are you upset??

Why is it that some people assume you’ll be bitter, when something good happens to your friends or acquaintances, just because you’ve had a recent crash and burn in the relationship area?…  It’s kind of insulting.  And it’s also odd because I feel like he knows me quite well and would know I’m not generally  like that, and that if I was upset I would’ve said something.

we were just… so wrong.

So I was going to take time from my blog and maybe just stop altogether.  Basically when I put all my self-centered babble together I can’t help but see how bipolar my feelings are.  One minute I’m ok the next minute I’m not  And I must admit, I am still kind of lamely struggling with the singleness I am in.  At the same time I know I need it.  Its been 8 months with a guy… so where am I now?…

I plan on staying single for quite a bit (no matter what) to figure it out and get back to that point where you realize that you don’t need someone else to make you who you are.  None of that stupid rebounding stuff this time.  I am more then aware of the fact that, that can happen  and I am not going to fall into that again.  No sex, no kissing, no nothing.  I am going to remain completely guy-less in all aspects… (no matter what!… knock on wood)