off to a great start!

On my first day of classes after break I ended up with a parking ticket.  I also ended up sitting in the ER for a little less than 2 hours.  My friend sprained her ankle badly.  Needless to say my whole day got thrown off.  Last night at 2am I realized that I hadn’t done my next large assignemnt, in my editing class, that was due at 11am.

I nearly panicked, but couldn’t really do anything since driving drunk wasn’t an option (we were celebrating a friend’s birthday).  Finally when I got home a little after 3am sleep was jumbled and only 4 hours of it happened.  Today I’ve been sick (stomach illness).  I finished the assignment in time and upon handing it in realized there are two large mistakes in it.  I’ve slept a bit and ate some and am now attempting to go out shopping and to dinner for another friend’s birthday (evidently everyone has sex in June.  seriously there are always at least 3 people on the birthday lineup on fbook, atleast every other day).

I’m still enraged about the parking ticket.  I’d marked out my permit and had it sitting on the seat, in view through the windshield, but forgot to hang it up on the rearview mirror.  What the f***!  I’m appealing the ticket but I’m pretty certain they aren’t going to drop it.  Parking services loves their money.

Also very soon I must talk about my friends new unofficial girlfriend.  The word bitch doesn’t suffice for this snobby girl.  That was another unpleasant part of yesterday.

coffee, how i love thee!

Unable to think and unable to hardly talk, I was just on the road to offending and annoying one of my roomies.  Around 3pm I was trying to figure out why I was suddenly exhausted.  Went to sleep around 2am last night and my alarm set for 11am (to catch up from the weekend) was cut off before 9am.  I was up and about and my room was flooded with sunlight, which is highly unusual compared to the last few weeks.

So upon blundering around with speech and being practically rude to my roomie just now, I suddenly realized that this is possibly what happens when you drink coffee like crazy and don’t give a shit about sleeping.  So tomorrow I will limit myself with the coffee (hopefully… if this is even possible anymore).  As for tonight my plan is to stay up late and get a good chunk of my proposal written for my Professional Writing class.  I like this class a lot but at the moment I am flooded with schoolwork in all of my courses.  Two papers, a group project, and two exams coming up, plus a lot of reading for a Modernist British Literature class.  It’s getting rough.

if there is such a thing as a thumb drive for the mind, i could really use one.

take all my memories and keep them for me.  give them back to me in daylight hours and then take them away again at night.

the key to sleep…

i was having this conversation with my really good friend.  so unfortuanately he can’t do this for me and neither can anyone else.  last night I slept 4 hours and it’s been a rough day, especially since I didn’t get nearly enough work finished (for classes) and just want to curl up in my comforter.

double standard much?

N seemed pretty much as close to perfect as a guy can come, but somehow our whole relationships is thrown completely off balance.  What started as a problem of me worrying when he was out with a friend, who is a girl, on the beach all evening has turned into a huge double standard.  I’ve known him and I remember talking to him about the whole girl friend thing.  I asked if we would stop talking if he ever dated someone (before any physical stuff or type of dating between us).  His answer was a firm no.  His words were something along the lines, “all my friends are girls so she would just have to get over it.”

So, maybe I can deal with him having girl friends but I’m really not sure about this girl he hungout with.  They hungout in the beginning of the school year in 2008.  She had a boyfriend, she and N somehow met at the mall where he worked in a store.  They went out to bars and hungout I guess.  Then this girl tried to commit suicide, but it wasn’t real.  Purely for attention.  She took pills when she was with a friend and N I think.  That’s pure attention getting.  That isn’t I don’t want to be here anymore.  N had something to do with helping her get to a hospital I think.  After that he didn’t hear from her for months until last week.

She called him with ex problems…  She’s single and evidently needs N to lean on… needy girl.  I know how this story goes so is there any point to write more?  If you’re reading this, at this point you know what I mean I am sure.  So she comes out of the blue and calls him and talks for an hour on the phone.  I didn’t like the sound of it but then was like well she does live 5 hours away and he wouldn’t do anything.  Then on Sunday he texts me and say “I’m going down to the beach tomorrow night.”  I was like what the hell?  “what do you mean? do you mean tonight?”  His reply, “My friend is in town with her mom and sister and wants to hangout.  She wanted to tonight but since it’s Father’s Day I told her I couldn’t.”  I was like hmmm odd…  Later I find that she is moving to the area where he lives to go to school in August.  Sounds promising.

I asked questions to find out that it was the girl from the week before, with all her ex problems.  He hadn’t seen or heard from her and now voila! here she is single and needing someone to fix her (my boyfriend…possibly ex now loves messed up people.  I truly and honestly know this and I despite all my issues am not a messed up person.  I don’t need him.  I don’t need his help.)  I of course was like okay… but it did bother me.  Our little bad-mood-time/fight began and continued all Monday.  When he told me he was meeting her in a little bit I was like well have fun (it was 6:30pm).  He texted me last and I stopped.  Finally it gets to 10:00 and he hasnt texted.  He also told me he wasn’t staying out late because he has work.  He usually goes to sleep at 11 for work.  I texted him and asked if he was back.  “Not yet hunny, but I’m coming in soon.”  Me:  “what are you two up to?”  Him:  “just hanging out”  Me:  “I meant like more of like where are you and stuff.” (was that bad to say?…)  Him:  “at the beach.”

I stopped left him alone.  It gets to 11 his usual bedtime for work and remember he wasn’t staying out late.  It’s been nearly 4 and half hours.  I text him again:  “are you home yet?”  Him:  “No but leaving soon.”  Me:  “Well I want some of your time to talk when you get home.”  No reply and finally a while after 11 he calls me.  The second I asked about their (what I’m tempted to call a date) evening and make a comment “sounds romantic. I wish I was there,” he blows up at me.

Now we’ve been dating almost two months and were only dating officially for two weeks (unofficially adds two more weeks) before it became long-distance.  I haven’t seen him.  We’ve had 3 arguments counting this one…but still him blowing up at me doesn’t feel right.

Now what this has turned into is a gimongous battle.  I’ve been so mistreated but here I am.  It’s hard to give up even when this little voice is telling me that I probably don’t want to be in this relationship especially when that girl will be there in August and he won’t be leaving till January possibly.  Added in special is that despite what he had said all along when it truly comes to me hanging out with a guy friend I am not allowed to or he will dump me.  Supposedly his reason is because the one guy I’m talking about got my number from my ex, but I did meet this guy and talk to him before (we have a ton in common).  It may be slightly sketchy…I’m not sure what it sounds like to you dear reader but I truly think this girl sounds like nothing but needy and sketchy.

I don’t have guy friends (not ones I hangout with because I’m always in a relationship and it never seemed right), but I think I need some.  I want to see how he handles it, but it seems that he can’t handle it.  He can go out on the beach with some brokenhearted girl for 3-4 hours one evening, but I can’t go get coffee with a guy friend.

Right now I kind of feel like I shouldn’t let this drag on.  Maybe I need to just end it and get out of it.

birds are evidently awake at 3am (unless they chirp in their sleep…)

So as of right now it is 5:30am and I went to bed at 2am and woke up at 3am.  Sleep and I just aren’t getting along tonight at all.

Earlier today I moved my gimongous futon around in my room, moved an awkward nightstand and some other stuff (my room is so extremely small but it was rough).  Now it is all moved back.  I am tempted to go out eat some food, watch some telly but I don’t want to wake up the roomies although I probably already have with the furniture moving.

It’s really odd that I can’t sleep.  Today I went to the gym and did 45 minutes of some pretty hard cardio and then after that went with my sister and took our dog on a long walk.

For most of the night my mind has been churning away but only in the last half an hour did it turn to stuff that used to bother me.  Suprisingly it no longer does at all (this is probably a great reason to throw a party).  Right now life is seriously wonderful.  Friday night my roommates and I went out and had a ton of fun at a bar and saw some old friends.  I also invited my “therapist”.  It was great.  Even though I am not 21 I drink a lot at bars (that I can get into that is).  My friends and I have devised sneaky ways (and sometimes far too obvious ways) for me to help them out with their drinks, and the one time a bartender did notice he just gave me a warning, so it works pretty well.

Well, this has been a completely crappy post and I apologize.  I feel like most of my thoughts are completely incomplete and that, that may be showing through but anyway, I am awake and for once it isn’t because of a negative thought or feeling — life is truly good.

… mold, mold, and more mold.

So I can’t seem to get anything done. I hardly even sleep anymore.  Although when I was finally in a good sleep this morning I awoke to pounding on the front door and remembered that maintenance people were coming today to replace the moldy floor in the main bathroom in our apartment.  Of course neither of my roomies got up to let them in and I stumbled out in my pajamas (which I realized later made it look like i just had a t-shirt on and no shorts.  such a sleaze….) braless and with a really scratchy voice.  The voice part didn’t really matter as both of the guys completely ignored just about everything I said.  I hope they aren’t always this unfriendly and it is just because they had to knock a billion times since we had the chain on the door.

Either way I am so ready to move out of here this coming August.  The rent isn’t exactly cheap and it is basically a constant battle when you need something fixed in the apartment.  Also there’s never ending mold in our apartment, at the moment…  It infests the bathrooms which require constant cleaning because of it and in two bedrooms the window sills grow mold from the window perspiration.  Plus it has taken this place 4 months, and many calls on our part, to finally figure out that the floor needs to be redone.