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I sometimes miss N or at least look back at my time with him with a good bit of nostalgia. I mean it was one of the best spring semesters I’ve had while in college. When we got back in touch recently I was happy to know he was doing well and was interested in what was going on in his life. He asked me about school but never was/seemed interested in my actual life. Maybe he stayed clear of this since my relationships status is nonexistent on Facebook (everyone’s go-to guide for figuring out who wants to get laid).
Recently though N is coming on pretty strong. Without an ounce of low self-esteem, I honestly think he is being ridiculous. You break up with people for a reason. If he met someone while we were dating whom he then went on to fall in love with, obviously I wasn’t the one for him. He seems to ignore the fact that both of us moved on from each other and immediately into another little game of lust (thank god mine was easy). Seriously though, has he forgotten everything?
The other thing that I can’t really figure out is what he wants. The sane option of 2 would be sex. We had excellent sex, and that was something we both could always agree on. So he gets a break from his military school and goes out into the real world, a great opportunity to have a good time. The second option is a relationship… I really don’t think he’s nuts, so I don’t really think he could be looking for something like this from me.
I probably shouldn’t talk to him much. But I’m not getting emotionally attached to talking to him I don’t think… plus I know how odd people can be. It’s almost like I’m expecting him to disappear even though I would prefer he not. But I mean really how long can two people talk if one of them wants something else…
Ever since early in Spring I’ve been having anxiety problems. Anxiety is an odd thing for me, as it never has been any part of my personality, unlike my sister who is naturally a nervous person. I, on the other hand, am generally very relaxed person. I’m not really sure what started the anxiety and most of the time I don’t even know what I’m anxious about but it can become pretty all-consuming. I thought by now all of this anxiety stuff would be over with as there isn’t anything in my life right now to be stressed about (no classes for the summer and I can’t even find a summer job. Also money isn’t a huge problem.). I thought possibly the anxiety was a side effect of an IUD I had, but it’s been 2 weeks since I got the IUD removed and I’m still having slight anxiety problems from time to time. I’m still hopeful it’s a side effect (surely if you have something in your body for a whole year it could take some time for everything to clear up). Life is pretty hard to deal with sometimes, and it’s all due to my new anxiousness.
To say one of the reasons I made the Dean’s List last semester was because I wasn’t involved (seriously) with any guy is all too true. Right now I’m barely staying above the tide of college and suddenly it’s Sunday and I have two midterms this week, a paper due tomorrow, and a journal (which I didn’t keep up with for a month) and another paper due.
I’m not stressed yet, as I have faith in myself with school, but if I end up cuddling up with my guy tonight or being a big nerd with him 
(yes we do that quite often), I will be enraged with myself. (Although those activities are allowed if I finish atleast the paper and some studying.) I’m trying to not become too attached, and I will not date him (… Yes it’s Bd who I’ve known for a while now), but sometimes I think about him so much and am just dying to see him. Obviously those feelings are one of the main reasons I’m here on a Sunday afternoon with sooooo much work to do and am at this very moment thinking about him and how much I miss my blog/writing.
The problem is that if Bd comes over we generally end up being awake till 3am or 5am. I then sleep away my day until noon or later and awake to be a very groggy person that can’t successfully do school work. While I tell myself the next night I will get more sleep it doens’t happen. Last night my set bedtime of 2am came to be 3ish when I just lay my head down and fell asleep with his arm around me. That’s not too bad but since I have to go pick up a friend from the airport at around 1.30 and the entire drive to and from the airport is a little over an hour, I don’t have all the time in the world (yes I was dumb enough to assume I would be up and getting some work done before picking her up).
Anyway I will get my work finished and enjoy my precious time with Bd as well. Last Spring I made a lot of sacrafices, some of them werne’t the best decisions school-wise, but I’ve never regretted that wonderful semester. So here I am again, beginning something very similar. I just love spring semesters.
